♥ 173788
→ 11 Jun 13 at 11 pm
→ 11 Jun 13 at 11 pm
Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via punkrockmermaid)
Yes…
(via personality-split)
(Source: marleestormborn, via stefanie-ellie)
"One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad."
♥ 6907
→ 06 Jun 13 at 2 pm
→ 06 Jun 13 at 2 pm
Jared Singer, “An Entomologist’s Last Love Letter” (via fawun)
(Source: therealmofpi, via londonlily)
"Dear Samantha,
I’m sorry
we have to get a divorce.
I know that seems like an odd way to start a love letter but let me explain:
it’s not you.
It sure as hell isn’t me.
It’s just human beings don’t love as well as insects do.
I love you… far too much to let what we have be ruined by the failings of our species.
I saw the way you looked at the waiter last night.
I know you would never DO anything, you never do but…
I saw the way you looked at the waiter last night.
Did you know that when a female fly accepts the pheromones put off by a male fly, it re-writes her brain, destroys the receptors that receive pheromones, sensing the change, the male fly does the same: when two flies love each other they do it so hard, they will never love anything else ever again.
If either one of them dies before procreation can happen both sets of genetic code are lost forever. Now that… is dedication.
After Elizabeth and I broke up, we spent three days dividing everything we had bought together - like if I knew what pots were mine - like if I knew which drapes were mine - somehow the pain would go away.
This is not true.
After two praying mantises mate, the nervous system of the male begins to shut down. While he still has control over his motor functions
he flops onto his back, exposing his soft underbelly up to his lover like a gift.
She then proceeds to lovingly dice him into tiny cubes,
spooning every morsel into her mouth.
She wastes nothing. Even the exoskeleton goes.
She does this so that once their children are born she has something to regurgitate to feed them. Now that… is selflessness.
I could never do that for you.
So I have a new plan: I’m gonna leave you now.
I’m gonna spend the rest of my life committing petty injustices, I hope you do the same.
I will jay walk at every opportunity,
I will steal things i could easily afford,
I will be rude to strangers,
I hope you do the same.
I hope reincarnation is real,
I hope our petty crimes are enough to cause us to be reborn as lesser creatures,
I hope we are reborn as flies,
so that we can love each other as hard as we were meant to.
"
I’m sorry
we have to get a divorce.
I know that seems like an odd way to start a love letter but let me explain:
it’s not you.
It sure as hell isn’t me.
It’s just human beings don’t love as well as insects do.
I love you… far too much to let what we have be ruined by the failings of our species.
I saw the way you looked at the waiter last night.
I know you would never DO anything, you never do but…
I saw the way you looked at the waiter last night.
If either one of them dies before procreation can happen both sets of genetic code are lost forever. Now that… is dedication.
This is not true.
he flops onto his back, exposing his soft underbelly up to his lover like a gift.
She then proceeds to lovingly dice him into tiny cubes,
spooning every morsel into her mouth.
She wastes nothing. Even the exoskeleton goes.
She does this so that once their children are born she has something to regurgitate to feed them. Now that… is selflessness.
I’m gonna spend the rest of my life committing petty injustices, I hope you do the same.
I will jay walk at every opportunity,
I will steal things i could easily afford,
I will be rude to strangers,
I hope you do the same.
I hope reincarnation is real,
I hope our petty crimes are enough to cause us to be reborn as lesser creatures,
I hope we are reborn as flies,
so that we can love each other as hard as we were meant to.
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
Justin!
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
Depends on how well I clique with the other person or how much they intimidate me. It can go to either extreme
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
Justin I missssss him
4. Are you easy to get along with?
I think other people think I am, but I am secretly annoyed easily
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
Yes
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
Athletic, funny, not judgmental of my weirdness, open-minded
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
Yes
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
Justin
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Not really
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
I don’t remember
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
“How long”
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
Don’t really have any. Don’t need a favorite all the time
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
Yes!
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
IDK
15. What good thing happened this summer?
Not really sure about that one
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
I don’t understand how there couldn’t be. The universe is so large, how would we even be able to find them?
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
No
19. Do you like bubble baths?
I feel like I’m sitting in dirty water…
20. Do you like your neighbors?
Don’t know them
21. What are your bad habits?
Twirling the shit out my hair I’m literally balding
22. Where would you like to travel?
Italy, Dubai, the coast of California, Miami, Mexico/Central America/Caribbean Islands
23. Do you have trust issues?
I don’t know
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
Eating…
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
My teeth, my stomach, my thighs, my hips
26. What do you do when you wake up?
Stay in bed until i can’t possibly get to where I need to be on time and have to run out the house
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
Darker
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
Justin
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
Never had an ex
30. Do you ever want to get married?
Yes!
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
Yes
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
Any of the Kardashians
33. Spell your name with your chin.
zxn ,mdfhg
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
Cheerleading, basketball
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
TV
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Sure
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
Nothing…
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
brown hair and blue eyes, tall, overly muscular but not particularly chiseled, likes to be boring and lay around but likes to go out and do something different just as much, thoughtful, athletic, funny, ok with my weirdness, gives me attention but doesn’t smuggle me
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
Nordstrom, Free People, Forever 21
40. What do you want to do after high school?
Go to college (party, do good in school, get a part time job at a tanning salon or at a bar/restaurant, make new friends, relax), make it onto survivor, big brother, or real world, move to Boston, do something with my business major (hopefully becoming a fashion buyer at either nordstrom or free people)
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Depends on the situation
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
I’m really upset or really mad and I’m thinking about it
43. Do you smile at strangers?
Yes!
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
Outer space, the ocean is freaky
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
NOTHING
46. What are you paranoid about?
Not being good enough for pretty much anything
47. Have you ever been high?
Yeah
48. Have you ever been drunk?
Yeah
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
Sure
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Grey
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
Sometimes but I do like my life
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
I wish I had wider hips and no love handles
53. Favourite makeup brand?
Don’t have one I don’t have enough make up experience haha
54. Favourite store?
Already answered
55. Favourite blog?
Mine because I don’t look at blogs anymore
56. Favourite colour?
PINK
57. Favourite food?
I can’t choose favorites
58. Last thing you ate?
Ice Cream Sandwich WOOPS
59. First thing you ate this morning?
Banana
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
Yeah Idk basketball stuff cheer stuff …hoolahoop contest… etc etc
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
no
62. Been arrested? For what?
no
63. Ever been in love?
yes
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
it was at a 7th grade dance and i told my friend i wanted this boy to kiss me so we were all walking toward the exit he turned around kissed me then walked away again toward the exit
65. Are you hungry right now?
No but I want food
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
Real friends
67. Facebook or Twitter?
Twitter
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Twitter
69. Are you watching tv right now?
Yes
70. Names of your bestfriends?
I honestly don’t think any of the friends I have now will be my friends in the future… so none
71. Craving something? What?
A cupcake
72. What colour are your towels?
All colors
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
It changes because I just need one good one but my pillows suck
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
No
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
A ton but they are all in storage
75. Favourite animal?
Dogs
76. What colour is your underwear?
Black
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
I don’t choose favorites cause it will always change, but one time I had this really good special at Kimballs that was like mint oreo chip or something
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
Maroon
80. What colour pants?
None
81. Favourite tv show?
It changes with what shows are airing because I have so many but ATM its Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the Challenge, Big Brother, Survivor, Girl Code, Breaking Bad etc etc
82. Favourite movie?
Don’t really have any I guess Mean Girls will always be up there and 21 Jump Street is pretty good
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Never even saw the second one
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
Weird these are the 2 fav movies I just mentioned but Mean Girls
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
Don’t have one
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
DON’T HAVE ONE
87. First person you talked to today?
IDK
88. Last person you talked to today?
Mom
89. Name a person you hate?
I don’t hate anyone
90. Name a person you love?
My dad and gram
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
A little
92. In a fight with someone?
Yes
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
A lot … too much clothing
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
Probably like 60 NGL
95. Last movie you watched?
Hangover 3
96. Favourite actress?
Don’t have one
97. Favourite actor?
Zac Efron hehe
98. Do you tan a lot?
Yes
99. Have any pets?
A wittle doggy
100. How are you feeling?
Meh
101. Do you type fast?
Yeah
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
Nothing that kills me on a day to day basis
103. Can you spell well?
I think
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
I don’t know
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
Yes
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
I dont know
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
I don’t think so .. I have been on a pony. Are those the same?
108. What should you be doing?
Working out or cleaning my room
109. Is something irritating you right now?
Yeah
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
Yes
111. Do you have trust issues?
IDK
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Justin
113. What was your childhood nickname?
Crashley/Crash/Crasher, Penelope, etc etc etc etccccc
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
Yeah
115. Do you play the Wii?
No
116. Are you listening to music right now?
No
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
Yeah
118. Do you like Chinese food?
Yes
119. Favourite book?
Don’t Have One
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
Yeah
121. Are you mean?
No
122. Is cheating ever okay?
Nope
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
Yes I compulsively clean them if I want them
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope
125. Do you believe in true love?
Yes
126. Are you currently bored?
YES
127. What makes you happy?
Everything!
128. Would you change your name?
No
129. What your zodiac sign?
Aries
130. Do you like subway?
Not really
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
Dats my boyfriend so it’s perf
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
IDK
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
Don’t have any
134. Can you count to one million?
Yes
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
I don’t even know .. off the top of my head I lie all the time to my sister and tell her idk things because i don’t want to talk to her/explain things
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
closed
137. How tall are you?
5’3
138. Curly or Straight hair?
i have curly hair but i want straight hair
139. Brunette or Blonde?
I wish I was blonde
140. Summer or Winter?
Summer!
141. Night or Day?
Day!
142. Favourite month?
June
143. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
Milk
145. Tea or Coffee?
Coffee
146. Was today a good day?
Not really..
147. Mars or Snickers?
Snickers
148. What’s your favourite quote?
“We all carry these things inside that no one else can see. They hold us down like anchors they drown us out at sea”
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yeah I think
150. Get the closet book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
Noooo
♥ 88184
→ 03 Jun 13 at 9 pm
→ 03 Jun 13 at 9 pm
Appearance
- I have/had piercings besides the ears.
- I want piercings besides the ears.
- I tan easily.
- I wish my hair was a different color.
- I have/want a tattoo.
- I can be self-conscious about my appearance.
- I have/had braces
- I have more than two piercings.
Embarrassment
- Disney movies still make me cry sometimes.
- I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
- I’ve glued my hand to something.
- I’ve laughed until some kind of beverage came out of my nose
- I’ve had my pants rip in public.
- I’ve touched something sharp/hot/etc to see if it would hurt.
Health
- I’ve gotten stitches.
- I’ve broken or dislocated a bone.
- I’ve had my tonsils removed.
- I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
- I’ve had chicken pox
Travel
- I’ve been to Florida.
- I’ve been on a plane.
- I’ve been to California.
- I’ve been to Asia.
- I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
- I’ve been to Vanuatu or the Mystery Islands.
- I’ve been to the Caribbean.
- I’ve been to Europe.
Experiences
- I’ve gotten lost in my city.
- I’ve seen a shooting star.
- I’ve wished on a shooting star.
- I’ve seen a meteor shower.
- I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
- I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
- I’ve slapped someone.
- I’ve kissed someone underwater.
- I’ve crashed a car.
- I’ve been skiing.
- I’ve been in a musical.
- I’ve auditioned for something.
- I’ve been on stage.
- I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
- I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
- I’ve pranked someone.
- I’ve ridden in a taxi.
Honesty / Crime
- I’ve been threatened to be arrested.
- I’ve broken a law.
- I’ve done something I promised someone I wouldn’t.
- I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
- I’ve snuck out.
- I’ve lied about my whereabouts.
- I’ve cheated while playing a game.
- I’ve been in a fist fight.
Death
- I’m afraid of dying.
- I hate funerals.
- I’ve seen someone/something die.
- Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide.
Materialism
- I own over 5 rap CD’s.
- I’m obsessed with anime/manga.
- I collect/collected comic books.
- I own a lot of makeup.
- I own something from Pac Sun.
- I own something from The Gap.
- I own something I got on E-Bay.
- I own something from Abercrombie.
Random
- I can sing low key.
- I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
- I open up to others easily.
- I watch the news occasionally or always.
- I don’t like to kill bugs.
- I sing in the shower.
- I’m a morning person.
- I’m a sports fanatic.
- I twirl my hair.
- I care about grammar.
- I love to spam friends.
- I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
- I bake well.
- I would wear pajamas to school.
- I like Martha Stewart.
- I laugh at my own jokes.
- I eat fast food weekly.
- I’ve not turned something in and still got an A in a certain class.
- I can’t sleep if there’s a spider in the room.
- I’m really ticklish.
- I like white chocolate.
- I bite/used to bite my nails.
- I’m good at remembering names.
- I’m good at remembering dates.
- I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
People
- …used to ask if I was anorexic/bulimic.
- …called me fat.
- …have said I’m skinny.
- …have said I’m ugly.
- …have said I’m pretty.
- …have spread rumors about me.
- …force me to eat.
- …say I eat too much.
- …say I eat too little.
- I’ve lost weight.
- I’ve gained weight.
- I’m at my thinnest.
- I’m at my biggest.
- I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
- I’ve lost weight, but gained it back.
- My weight affects my mood.
- I’m vegan/vegetarian.
- I exercise.
Family
- I’ve sworn at my parents.
- I’ve run away from home.
- I have a sibling less than one year old.
- I want kids in the future.
- I’ve had kids.
- I’ve lost a child.
Relationships
- I’m engaged.
- I’m married.
- I’m single.
- I’ve gone on a blind date.
- I have/had a friend with benefits.
- I miss someone right now.
- I have a fear of abandonment.
- I’ve gotten divorced.
- I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
- Someone has/had feelings for me when I didn’t have them back.
- I’ve told someone I loved them/someone when I didn’t.
- I’ve told someone/myself I didn’t love someone when I did.
- I’ve been kissed in the rain.
- I’ve hugged a stranger.
- I’ve kissed a stranger.
Bad times
- I regularly drink.
- I’ve been diagnosed with depression at some point.
- I have/had anxiety problems.
- I shut others out when I’m upset.
- I don’t have anyone to talk to when I’m upset about something personal
- I have taken/take anti-depressants.
- I’ve slept an entire day before.
(Source: , via leakysink)
♥ 123312
→ 03 Jun 13 at 8 pm
→ 03 Jun 13 at 8 pm
I’m lonely :( looking for a tumblr gf ♡ any takers?
(Source: onlinehannah, via slutwhat)
